


South Park One Shots

by mysterionparks



Category: South Park
Genre: Angst and Feels, Anxiety Attacks, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Gay Panic, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jealousy, M/M, More ships added later, Multi, One Shot, One Shot Collection, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sappy, Sexual Content, Some Humor, South Park One Shots, one shots, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-02-23 21:12:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18710068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysterionparks/pseuds/mysterionparks
Summary: Basically, just a bunch of cute, and sad garbage that I couldn't turn into a fic.Good luck.





	1. Text Back, Please.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally, I started posting one shots as part of a series, but I moved one of them here because it will end up being a lot less messy!
> 
> The first chapter is the one that is separate on my page, and already posted, is just moved here!
> 
> Please, feel free to request something! I have a lot of one shots planned out, but requests hold priority :)

Another new year. Another miserable, soul-sucking year on the Earth - at least, that's how Stan saw it.

The past three months, Stan had changed completely as a person. He hated everyone, he hated everything, and most of all - he hated love. Everyone, except Sharon and Kenny, had stopped answering his calls, and texts, too fucking annoyed with his negativity. To them, he was nothing but a cynical asshole.

No one considered the effect their departure would have on Stan when they stopped communicating with him, not understanding that he was deep into his depression, completely, and utterly helpless against a disease he did not choose. Now that he was alone, it was just Stan, and his harmful thoughts, with no way to escape.

It didn't help either when he picked up the bottle to feel better, falling into the footsteps of his father. It was the only thing that helped him to drown out his detrimental thoughts now, having no friends, or family, to distract him through his mental misery. Stan would never admit he was struggling though, only ignoring people's random interests in his well-being, and attending social events for the free booze instead.

What hurt the most to Stan, the thing that kept him drinking and crying the most, was Kyle. As soon as Stan started to lash out at everyone with the infamous bottle in his hand, Kyle turned to Craig, abandoning Stan soon after. He never got to tell Kyle that he was in love with him, and it was sickening to him that he was happily with Craig now. Even if Kyle was happy, Stan couldn't bear the thought of Kyle with someone else.

It was New Years Eve now, and Stan was at some random, sketchy party in Denver, sitting on a musty couch with a half a bottle of whiskey clenched in his bruised fists. Everyone at the party were extreme drinkers like him, only hanging around each other to get fucked up and fight over bullshit; none of them actually cared for each other like real friends should. Stan's so-called "friends" thought he was the shit, thinking his hands were bruised from fighting with some asshole who had messed with him, but in reality, they were self-inflicted. Nearly every night, when Stan got drunk, he would punch walls, or even himself, trying to feel any type of physical pain, instead of the pain inside his head.

While Stan was getting trashed beyond what a normal person could handle, Kyle was only about ten blocks away, at what some would call a "classier" party, though, it was just a typical party. Kyle was standing in Craig's kitchen, sipping the glass of water in his hand, and eating a slice of pizza as he listened to some crazy ass story Kenny was telling to everyone, which happened to involved Stan. Mostly everyone at Craig's party were pretty new in their lives, and didn't see the pain it caused Kyle to hear Stan's name, but Kenny and Craig weren't oblivious to it, only looking the other way.

Kyle never told Stan a few months ago, but because of his depressing, and alcoholic, tendencies, Kyle had started drinking heavily, too. One night, he had tried to walk home, and passed out on the sidewalk, getting mugged and beat by some passing assholes who took advantage of his vulnerable state. Craig happened to find him, and brought him back to his apartment, and advised Kyle to get space from Stan until he was better. Although Craig was right, it hurt Kyle to drop Stan, more than it did to get beat to shit. Craig and Kyle had dated briefly after that, however, since Kyle couldn't stop thinking about Stan, their relationship ended pretty quickly, but they were able to maintain a friendship.

Thinking of Stan and their past more deeply than he had in months, Kyle set down his glass, walking out to the balcony from the sliding doors, feeling relieved as Kenny's voice was cut off from the doors. He needed space from that story - it used to be such a happy memory, but now it was.. it was sad reminder of who Stan used to be. However, Kyle was smart enough to know that Stan was sick with something that wasn't his fault, and knew that if he didn't want help, there was no way he was going to get better. Kyle had begged him to go to treatment, see a therapist, or even go to AA, but each time, Stan had refused to eve admit there was something wrong.

If Kyle could have it his way, Stan would be there with him right now, yelling at people down on the sidewalk for no reason other than to laugh, like they used to do. God, did he miss Stan's laugh. Kyle's chest felt like it was caving in as he realized, he would probably never hear his laugh again.

While Kyle was thinking about him from just a few blocks away, Stan chugged more and more of his whiskey, his eyes glued on the TV as random shit about the new year went on, his face forming into a cringe when he saw all the smiling faces. It was all bullshit to him. Everyone laughing around him was bullshit. The happiness on the TV was bullshit. Everything was fucking bullshit. That was the only thing he was sure of anymore. 

"Marsh!" Stan whipped his head behind him, seeing one of his "friends", Scott, staggering towards him, a sly smile on his face as always. "The fuck are you doing sitting there?!"

Stan only shrugged, taking another long swig of his whiskey as Scott sat next to him. "Getting fucked up."

Grabbing Stan forcefully from the couch, Scott took him to the kitchen, shoving a cigarette into his mouth. Stan didn't say anything as he lit it up, taking in small puffs as he felt his head pound from getting up a little too fast. Leaning against the counter, Scott patted Stan's cheek gently, but sarcastically. "You're a little fuck up, aren't you?"

Again, Stan didn't respond, only taking another drink, never letting his eyes leave Scott's. This douchebag obviously just wanted to get in one more fight before the year ended, but Stan wasn't giving in tonight. Getting annoyed at Stan's lack of words, Scott pushed him harshly, Stan's bottle nearly slipping from his fingers as he tried to regain his balance. "The fuck?"

Scott held his arms out to the side, trying to pose as an alpha male for absolutely no reason. "Let's fucking go, Marsh. I'll kick your pathetic ass."

While Scott was looking around trying to get everyone pumped up, Stan threw a quick punch that socked Scott square in the jaw, immediately knocking him out cold. The room went dead silent as Scott laid on the floor unconscious. As everyone continued to just stare, Stan stole a cigarette off the counter and lit it casually, opening the front door, and leaving the silence behind him. Sure, he and Scott had fought before, but that had been the first time Stan had actually thrown a real punch back. If Stan was really thinking about it, he would've compared Scott to a skinny, more annoying Eric Cartman.

Now that Stan was out of that shitty apartment building, he had no idea where to go. He had been planning on crashing on the couch like usual, but that obviously wasn't going to happen, especially since Scott was such a fucking asshole, and decided to be a dick on the one night that Stan couldn't go back home. 

Tilting his head back completely, Stan chugged the rest of his bottle, throwing it on the ground, the sound of glass smashing echoing through the silent street. Though it was New Years Eve and everyone was partying, in that part of town, everyone was more concerned with locking their doors and avoiding any crime that could be taking place. Stan didn't care though, in fact, he was kind of hoping that he would get shot - it wouldn't be a suicide, which would be easier on his mother.

Almost blacked out from how much alcohol he had drank, Stan decided to pull out his phone for no reason, scrolling through his contacts until he stumbled across the one he was subconsciously looking for: _Kyle's_. Pressing the text option on his screen, Stan squinted as he typed out a barely comprehensible message to Kyle:

Stan: kyle i miesk ouyd aso m mnuch

After walking for a few, Stan kind of noticed he was in a better part of town, stumbling between an alley to get to the main part of the city, where there were more lights, people, and probably more alcohol. As he walked through a few alleys drunkenly, he gave up going back to his shitty apartment, sitting on the ground of some random alleyway, his head in his arms. With tears welling up in his eyes, threatening to spill over, Stan jumped when he felt his phone vibrate. 

Kyle: What?

It was surprising that he even answered, but Stan's pain took over his confused thoughts, typing out a message for him.

Stan: kyle i can st doi this anymmore

Reading the words he just typed to Kyle, Stan erupted into sobs, his body shaking with grief as he realized exactly how true those words were to him now. He couldn't live miserably anymore, and he was about to give up. If he wasn't happy anymore, really, what was the point of going on? Stan thought he was worthless to everyone anyway, and he was just some fucking failure.

Still surprised by the fact that Kyle was responding, even in Stan's state, he jumped every time his phone vibrated.

Kyle: Can't do what anymore?

Stan: live. i cant live anymor e kyle. im worthless.. bye.

Frustrated with the fact that he was too drunk to move, Stan accidentally smacked the back of his head on the wall behind him, the pain blinding him so bad, the usual pain of pulling on his hair was almost pleasurable for him compared to the pain in the back of his head. Biting onto the flesh of his arms to muffle the noise of him screaming in agony, Stan's body shaking with sobs, his chest tightening from just the want to rip his only fucking skin apart. 

After calming down for a moment, Stan looked around the alley, looking for anything to just to end the pain. He was done this time. For real. Nothing was going to stop him from just ending his miserable life in some random alley on New Years Eve. Stan couldn't find anything but boxes, and random garbage though, causing him to kick random shit around in anger. 

On the ground, Stan saw his phone lighting up with text messages. Wiping the tears from his eyes, Stan stumbled over to it, more sadness rising inside of him as he read them.

Kyle: Don't say that, Stan. You're worth a lot more than you realize.

Kyle: Stan?

Kyle: Dude?

Kyle: Wait, are you serious?

Kyle: Damn it dude, please answer.

Kyle: Look, I know we aren't friends anymore, but I need you alive

Kyle: Stan, please answer

Kyle: Don't make me come and fucking find you

Kyle: Stanley Marsh

Kyle: Text back, please.

To Stan, Kyle didn't give a shit about him. He was always trying to be the good guy, trying to get everyone to think he was a victim and someone who needed to be pitied. Completely annihilated with anger towards himself and Kyle, Stan threw his phone at the wall, hearing it clank to the ground as he slowly slid down the wall behind him, like a sad cliche scene in a drama show.

His body shaking with anger, despair, and suicidal thoughts, Stan hugged his knees into his chest as he cried silently, digging his fingers into his knees. He wanted nothing more than to end it right there, but he was too fucking drunk to stand anymore. He was a failure, he couldn't even fucking kill himself.

"Stan?!" As soon as Stan heard Kyle's voice, his head shot up with blurry vision, his bottom lip trembling as Kyle ran towards him. Kyle knelt down in front of Stan, checking frantically over every inch of his body for injuries, before connecting their eyes. "Are you okay? Why weren't you answering?"

Shaking his head, thinking that he was just so drunk that he was hallucinating, Stan let out a few more sobs. "A-Are you really here?"

Before Kyle could answer, Stan reached out and touched his cheek gently, his hazy eyes almost sparkling as he realized that Kyle had actually come for him. Breathless from Stan touching him so softly, Kyle's voice came out rough. "Y-Yeah, I'm here Stan. Are you okay?"

"No." Stan said simple, chuckling humorlessly. "I'm miserable, Ky. I-I mean.. I'm drunk on New Years Eve. I text-texted you, and made you worry.."

Placing his hand gently on top of Stan's, Kyle smiled lightly, tears in his eyes. "Stan, I'm sorry." Tilting his head as if to ask what for, Stan grimaced, sucking in his dry lips as Kyle continued. "I should've told you that I started drinking too, and the reason I couldn't speak to you anymore, was because of that. Not because I don't love you."

Just sober enough to comprehend Kyle's words, Stan burst out into tears, pain he didn't know he was holding in. "I need help, Ky."

Engulfing Stan into a hug, Kyle rocked them back and forth softly as Stan cried in his shoulder. "We'll get you it, baby. I won't leave you this time. I promise."

Grabbing the back of Kyle's jacket tightly, Stan nodded against his chest, breathing in his scent as deeply as possible, just in case his promise wasn't for real. Kyle refused to let go of Stan, even as it began snowing, decorating their hair with snowflakes. Stan pulled away after awhile though, placing his hand softly against Kyle's cheek again.

Leaning into Stan's hand, Kyle's green eyes glistened with tears as he looked at Stan's defeated face. He loved him, so much. "Ky, I'm going to get better. For you, my angel."


	2. The Effort Made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan wakes up after a night with his best friend, only to find that he was used.

Stan didn't dare open his eyes, as he remembered every single detail of last night. He may have been plastered out of his damn mind, but he remembered everything - and that was the problem. He was in his best friend's bed, somewhere he shouldn't be because everyone knew that Kyle had a couch that guests always slept on, but it had been different this time. Stan barely had the time to think of things that had taken place as Kyle walked in, obviously still a little drunk from how loud he was talking. When Kyle was drunk, he had absolutely no sense of noise volume, and often had the habit of spilling secrets.

Even if Stan was hung over, he knew who Kyle was talking to immediately, and cringed at himself when he felt a ping of jealously. She had been apart of his life for five years now, and that had been enough time for Stan to get over Kyle. Or so he thought.

"Baby," Bebe's voice twisted Stan's stomach as he imagined her running her hands down Kyle's chest. "Stan's in our bed?"

There was a moment of silence, and Stan, for whatever reason, had the hope that Kyle was going to dump her ass, and run in the opposite direction, preferably, towards him, but, again, Stan was disappointed. "I experimented, just like you said."

As Stan realized that he was just used as science experience, his heart shattered. Bebe spoke up again, quieter this time. "How was it?"

Although it was just revealed that Stan was only used, he still held his breath as Kyle remained silent. After a long moment, Kyle sighed loudly, sitting down softly at the foot of the bed. Stan could practically feel Kyle's eyes burning into his face, but he remained still, intent on hearing the end of this discussion. "Amazing." Stan nearly smiled, but he could that there was a 'but' coming. "But.." He was right. "I-I could tell it meant more to him than just sex. I didn't mean to lead him on.."

Bebe exhaled sharply. "You think he has feelings for you?"

Stan could feel Kyle's body shaking, a terror seemingly ripping through him. "Y-Yes."

"Do you feel the same?" Bebe asked, her voice shaking slightly on the last word. There was no answer for a long while, Stan fighting the urge to shoot out of bed and demand answers from the person he loved more than anything. He wanted to tell Kyle that Bebe was only using him for money (Kyle was a successful lawyer like his father), and cheated on him regularly, but he knew the things that Bebe also held over his head, and it was too much for him to risk. "Kyle, are you going to answer?"

Kyle finally cleared his throat, standing up abruptly. "I-I don't know."

Bebe stomped harshly, groaning. "Now it's a 'I don't know'? Last week, you said no."

Without any warning for Stan, Kyle placed a hand softly on his shoulder, which was completely unexpected. "When I was with him, I felt something I've never felt before - something I've definitely never felt with you."

"Wha-What are you saying?" Bebe sounded offended, but Stand couldn't help to smirk at his still position on the bed. She was finally getting what she deserved.

"I like Stan."

Kyle saying those words, was enough for Bebe to walk out the door without another word. Stan was bursting with happiness as he realized his feelings were never wasted, but he still didn't dare to move, afraid that Kyle would take it all back if he knew that he was awake the entire time. But the bed sank suddenly, Stan's eyes flying open as Kyle's arm pressed against his chest. Still staying "asleep", Stan cursed to himself, almost saying it out loud.

"Stan, I know you've been awake this entire time."

Shit.

Turning in Kyle's arms, Stan faced Kyle finally. "How did you know?"

Without any hesitation, Kyle caressed Stan's cheek, his eyes falling to his lips. "I know what you look like when you sleep."

Stan shook his head, and stupid grin spreading across his face, as he grabbed Kyle's face in his hands. "I fucking love you."

Their lips connected roughly, their tongues fighting for dominance as they were desperate to taste each other, their feelings finally out in the open.

Kyle pulled away breathless, not releasing Stan from his hands for even a second. "I know."


	3. You Are Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle can’t sleep without being at home. 
> 
> Stan doesn’t understand why Kyle always wants to be at his house.

As usual on a Friday night, Stan was laying in bed, mindlessly listening to his angsty music. It was the first time in quite a few days that he was alone, with being at school, and Kyle, or Kenny, coming over and staying for hours. It wasn't that Stan didn't love his friends, but he felt pretty suffocated by the fact that they needed him so much. He liked that his friends did need him, but for them to need him for six days in a row? It was a little too much for Stan to handle, especially when it was Kyle who was clinging onto him like his life depended on it. Stan had tried to distance himself from Kyle when he realized he liked him as more than a friend, yet, now Kyle was the one who wouldn't leave him alone.

Even now, Stan's phone was blowing up with texts from Kenny, Kyle, Cartman, and even Butters. They all wanted to hangout, but Jesus Christ, Stan needed just five hours to himself. How else was he supposed to try and move on from Kyle? There was no way _in hell_ that Kyle would ever feel the same, so Stan saw distancing himself as a way to move on. It obviously wasn't working as Stan felt the urge to text his best friend back, and ask him to come over, but he resisted, instead, he walked downstairs quietly to the kitchen, and grabbed a six pack of beer from the fridge. Stan felt a little pathetic that his feelings were making him want to drink, but, to him, it was better than having Kyle there again, laying in bed next to him, almost teasing his feelings. It was unfair.

Plopping himself on his bed in front of his TV now, Stan chugged the first beer, not even batting an eye as if it was just a water bottle. Stan hated to admit it, but he drank way more than he should've been drinking at sixteen, but some days, it was the only thing that made him smile. He was already chugging his second beer when his phone started ringing, snapping him away from the random ass show he was watching on Netflix. Stan looked down and scowled, seeing Kyle's name flash across the screen. Pushing down the lock button to silence the phone, Stan cursed himself for being an asshole, and grabbed a third beer, resisting the want to throw his phone out the window. That was probably dramatic, but Stan's feelings were making him feel so damn crazy lately.

The texts kept coming though, as if Kyle knew he was being ignored. If there was thing Kyle hated more than anything, it was being ignored when he needed something important, and Stan knew it had to be important for him to be so desperate to get in contact with Stan. For a split second, Stan was worried that something happened, but as he scrolled through his many notifications, Stan only saw that Kyle was desperate to come 'over', and 'go home'. But what did that even mean? Stan couldn't figure out if Kyle was high as a kit, or just being dramatic. Still, even though Kyle obviously wanted to talk with his best friend, Stan put his phone on silent, and plugged in his headphones again, sitting down in the chair at the end of his bed. He started up his PlayStation as sad music poured into his ears, a beer between his pointer finger and middle finger as he leaned his elbows on his knees, trying to focus on the game he had just started up.

Since he was a dumbass, and chugged his first four beers, Stan was finding it hard to focus on the game in front of him, being killed by other players almost every time he was spawned back in. Maybe Stan was just a little drunk, but he still couldn't seem to make his fingers function. His thoughts were only on Kyle's words, and his sudden desperation to be around Stan all the time - he wasn't sure what it meant, but it confused the hell out of him. He and Kyle had always been close, yet, this was the closest they had ever been. Did something suddenly change between them, something that Stan was missing?

"Fuck.." Stan muttered to himself as music blasted from his headphones, and his eyes struggled to focus. All he wanted, was to see Kyle's smile, but he refused to let himself love Kyle more than he did at that moment. It was already too much.

Stan lazily leaned his shoulder down to grab another beer, but was nearly startled to death when he felt a hand grab his wrist. Looking up to see Kyle, Stan felt his cheeks heat up immediately at sight of a scowl set onto Kyle's face, his red curls released from his usual hat, dark circles under his eyes, and his hand still tightly gripped around Stan's wrist. Kyle ripped his earbuds out, dragging Stan to his feet like he wasn't the skinniest of the both of them. 

Swallowing the knot in his throat, Stan stood as still as possible, scared that Kyle was about to choke him out. Still, though, he started to speak softly: "Ky, what are you-"

"You weren't answering, on purpose." Kyle's grip tightened on his wrist, making Stan squeal a little. "I told you I wanted to go home, and you ignored me."

The words were repeated in Stan's head a few times, each time, confusing him further. What Kyle was saying, really didn't make sense, especially since he wasn't providing any context at all. "W-What are you even talking about?"

Kyle groaned loudly, running his free hand through his thick curls. Stan noticed, finally, that Kyle's cheeks were red, his freckles almost completely taken over by how dark the red was. Before Stan could even question it though, Kyle pushed him back onto the bed, his tight grip finally releasing from Stan's wrist, but, instead of being confusing and forceful again, Kyle softly laid next to Stan, wrapping his arms from Stan's waist while laying his head on his chest. Stan was frozen in place as he realized that Kyle was cuddling him, which was something he had never done before, except when he was in a deep sleep. When it came to feelings, neither boy was the smartest in understanding them, but Stan was _way_ worse than Kyle, not understanding that Kyle cuddling him, meant something huge.

Still, even with his lack of understanding the situation, Stan cuddled back into Kyle, holding him closely to his body, doing his best to take in his scent, just in case he was never able to be this close again. Kyle, who had been trying to get Stan to noticed how he felt for weeks now, understood that Stan was just oblivious. With this in mind, Kyle sighed against Stan's chest, feeling the confidence to tell him how he felt. "You are home."

Blinking as if Kyle had just told him the meaning to life, Stan tried to figure out the meaning. Instead of thinking about it too long, Stan shakily spoke up. "T-Tell me what that means."

Getting up slightly, only enough for him to look at Stan, Kyle placed his chin on Stan's chest, his eyes connecting deeply with Stan's slightly drunk ones. "You are where I feel safest. You are the place I always want to be. I always long to be with you."

Finally, it all clicked in Stan's brain, but before he could even form one word in his mind, he grabbed Kyle's chin, and placed his lips gently again Kyle's, both of them sighing in relief. The kiss was short, and sweet, both of them pulling away with grins on their faces. Stan giggled suddenly, kissing Kyle's lips again swiftly, feeling a huge weight lift off his shoulders. He had been so oblivious for so long, and Kyle had been so obvious. Stan felt a little ridiculous, but smiled at his best friend cradled in his arms anyways. "I'm so dumb, dude."

Kyle shrugged, biting back a smile, staring at the boy he had loved for years, and had finally kissed, after weeks of trying to get his attention. "Maybe a little, but I still like you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes this was kind of boring


	4. Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle dies due to a diabetes complication. 
> 
> Stan, lost, struggles for months with drinking to cope with the pain of losing his boyfriend. Just as Stan is getting at his worst, Kenny saves him from himself - just as Kyle would've wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings/triggers(?): death, drinking, depression, suicidal thoughts. be prepared to cry a lot, i cried while writing this

It was a normal day for Stan and Kyle, the two boys were sitting in their apartment, playing video games, and laughing together as always. They were playing their usual games of Super Smash Bros Brawl, the Nintendo switch being on for hours whenever the two boys were home together. Like now, Kyle was kicking Stan's ass on a hot Friday afternoon, both of the boys completely focused on the game only, Kyle sticking his tongue out of the side of his mouth as he often did when he was intent of winning. Unfortunately for Stan, Kyle ended up winning, cheering as loudly as he could in Stan's face.

"Told you I could kick your ass." Kyle triumphantly stated, his arms crossed over his chest proudly. They had a bet, and as much as Stan didn't want to be the loser for the day, he slipped Kyle the ten dollars, pouting in his spot of the couch. "Wanna get your ass kicked again?"

Stan only stared at Kyle for moment, a smile slowly taking over his face as he tugged Kyle down to him. Although Kyle was a bit confused, he allowed Stan to drag him onto his lap, hugging him back as Stan clung to his waist. Kyle hummed softly as his boyfriend soothingly rubbed his back, soaking up every moment he could with the person he loved most. Stan and Kyle had been dating for about five years now, their five year anniversary having been a few days ago, and although they sometimes still acted like just friends, their love was full, and content. As Kyle was thinking back to some of his favorites moments of the years with Stan, the dark haired boy took the opportunity to drag Kyle's lips to his, kissing his softly to break him from his trance.

They fell into a deep, and passionate kiss, both of the boys sighing in relief, and admiration for each other. Even though they had shared millions of kisses, every time they kissed still, it was like heaven. But, sadly, since Stan knew Kyle had class in about an hour, he disconnected their lips, pushing back Kyle's red curls from his forehead, lightly kissing the exposed skin. "I love you. I need to shower, and you need to eat, and get ready for class."

Kyle only nodded, pressing his lips to Stan's once again, holding it for as long as he could, before getting up, and heading to the kitchen and yelling back a reply. "I love you too, my Super Best Boyfriend!"

Staring after his gorgeous boyfriend for just a moment more, Stan couldn't help but feel a tingle in his stomach, as he was reminded of how lucky he was. Finally though, Stan stood up, and made his way to the bathroom, stripping down quickly as he waited for the water to heat up. For a moment, Stan thought he heard Kyle say something, but when he opened the door for a better listen, he didn't hear anything, shrugging to himself, continuing to get in the shower. Usually, being a huge fan of long showers, Stan would take his time and just sit under the water, but, today, something was telling him to hurry the fuck up, and not waste any time. Within ten minutes, Stan's record for a shower, he was out, drying his body and hair with a towel, pulling on his clean socks. Since it was so hot, Stan decided to just wear some basketball shorts and some random white tee, really not planning on doing anything special because he had the day off of work, for once.

As soon as Stan opened the bathroom door though, excited to see his boyfriend, he felt as if something was wrong. There was smell of food in the air, and there was no smell of coffee as there would usually be if Kyle was having lunch. Stan felt his stomach drop as he wandered into the kitchen, no sign of Kyle there, except for the sound of ragged breathing - something Stan had never heard before. Rounding the last bit of the counter, Stan fell his entire world crash around him as he slowly realized the site of Kyle passed out of the floor, barely breathing. Trying to shake Kyle awake, Stan shakily pulled out his phone, dialing 911 as he tried to get his boyfriend to wake up. As he talked hurriedly with the operator, giving all of the information that he could, he attempted to give Kyle insulin in hopes of bringing him to consciousness again, but it didn't work, which made Stan realize, that this was much worse than ever before.

The knock at the door came suddenly, the paramedics running in with their medic bags and a stretcher. The next few minutes were a blur to Stan as he watched them access Kyle, and load him onto the stretcher, one of the medics, pulling Stan along with them. This wasn't the first time that something like this had happened with Kyle, but this was so much worse than Stan had ever seen before, and it was sending him to a state of shock that he couldn't remove himself from. Even as they ran into the emergency room, Stan wasn't really there, he was only mentally with Kyle, staring at his lifeless face, desperately trying to reach out for his boyfriend to get him to fight whatever was happening, to at least show signs that he was _there_ , but there was nothing.

Since Stan couldn't be present while the doctors worked on him, so they wouldn't be distracted, someone walked with Stan to the waiting room, trying to give him some limited information calmly - he didn't listen though, his eyes landing on the one other person that could release him from his shocked state: Kenny. Stan wasn't sure how the hell Kenny was even there, but as soon as he registered that he was there, Stan ran to him, being caught in the taller ones arms, sobs erupting violently, choking sounds of pain filling the nearly empty waiting room as Kenny held him tightly, scared for his best friends. Kyle never told Stan, but Kenny was his other emergency contact, in case something like this happened, he wanted Kenny to be the one to take care of Stan, especially if he never came back from one of these episodes.

Kenny didn't say anything as he let Stan cry on him for endless minutes, saying incoherent things into his sweatshirt. Just as Kenny was starting to get Stan to breath normally, a doctor approached them, his face remaining neutral, but Kenny could see that his eyes were filled with a despair that was irreplaceable. Noticing the doctor now too, Stan's voice stuttered in his throat, the dark haired boy trying to remain calm, and strong for his boyfriend. "I-Is he.. h-how is he?"

The doctor stole a glance at Kenny, swallowing roughly as he looked back at Stan's pale face. In med school, doctors were trained on how to deal with a situation like this, and even experience made it a tiny bit easier, but still, this was the part every doctor hated the most. "Stan, your boyfriend is in a diabetic coma, caused by extremely low blood sugar-"

Cutting the doctor off, Stan brightened a bit, his tears stopping mid-flow. "There's a chance he could wake up, then?"

Usually, people let the entire explanation come out, which made this harder for the doctor. He had accidentally been given hope, and now it had to be crushed. "N-No. Unfortunately, we can't reverse it, and he has suffered irreversible brain damage. I'm sorry to say, but in Kyle's will, he wishes to not be kept alive by machines."

The noise of the hospital cut out completely, a ringing noise taking over Stan's ears as tears began to spill violently out of his eyes, his stares wandering around the hospital as his brain searched for a way to process this. Was there even a way to process something that seemed so impossible? The only reaction his body could give, was falling to his knees, Stan's hands gripping into his hair tightly as he stared with wide eyes at the floor fighting the urge to scream like a fucking madman. His boyfriend was going to die. _His_ Kyle was leaving.

Using Kenny's hands to pull himself up, Stan stood up shakily. "C-Can I be with him?"

Not wanting to cause Stan anymore hurt, the doctor quickly lead them to Kyle's room, sounds of agony escaping Stan's mouth as he saw his boyfriend attached to what seemed like a million machines. Still somewhat in denial of what was happening, Stan picked up Kyle's lifeless hand, kissing it repeatedly, looking at his face for any signs of reaction. "Ky?"

Seeing Stan try to get Kyle to talk to him, was enough to make Kenny turn around, and start sobbing, nearly getting sick in his hand from how frantic his breathing had become so suddenly. Stan and Kyle were his best friends - Kyle was dying, and Stan was sitting there, begging him to wake up as if he was just sleeping; it was nearly too much for Kenny at that moment, but he made Kyle a promise, a promise he was going to keep forever. As Stan still tried to talk to Kyle, begging him to wake up as he struggled through his tears, Kenny sat with him, holding him back in his arms, rubbing his shoulders to comfort the shorter as much as was possible.

It was awhile before the doctor came in, a lawyer present and some more witnesses. Stan, at this point, was numb again, only holding Kyle's hand tighter as they explained the situation to him, moving to the side of the bed opposite from Stan. It would be awhile before Kyle actually passed after they unplugged the machine, and Stan and Kenny both knew that was going to be torture. They had to watch Kyle die right in front of them, and there was nothing they could do about it, how fucked up was that?

After a few hours of Stan doing everything he could to hold it together, as soon as the machine flat-lined, Stan started screaming, hugging himself against Kyle's lifeless body. Kenny tried to pull him from Kyle, but he started yelling louder, not really yelling words, but only throwing his emotions everywhere in the room. Stan realized what he was doing though, and released Kyle's body, landing in the chair behind him with a horrid thump. The room fell thickly silent as Kenny cried in his spot in the corner of the room of the floor, while Stan felt himself fall into a black pit, the world spinning around him as every single memory flew through his mind, his stomach twisting as he realized that all those things, were in the past only now.

Without a word to Kenny, Stan ran out of the door, sprinting towards the exit as fast as he could. As soon as he was outside, Stan fell to his knees in front of some bushes, and began spilling his guts, the overwhelming emotions coming out physically only. There were voices around him as he continued to throw up, but he ignored them, the images of his dead boyfriend replaying again, and again in his mind like a horror movie, the sickening feeling of losing the person he loved the most getting worse and worse each second. This was it for Stan, without Kyle, there was no point in anything anymore, even though Kenny was around, there was no point in Stan being there. All he wanted, was to be with Kyle, and not feel this _pain_ anymore. But, it was never ending.

-

Stan, was a walking zombie from that point on. Kenny had to help him do everything, which included getting dressed for Kyle's funeral. At first, Stan had thrown a fit, and refused to go, and then had another breakdown as he realized how selfish, and ridiculous, that was. If Kenny was being honest with anyone who asked if Stan was okay, he would've told them he didn't trust Stan to be by himself, and that he forced Stan to move in with him. It had only been four days since Kyle died, but Kenny knew that if Stan was alone for any moment, he would try to be with Kyle.

The funeral was terrible - not because anything went bad, but because Kyle had so many people in his life that loved him, and they were all in terrible pain from the loss of such an amazing person. Even though not everyone was accepting of Kyle being gay (which meant just Kyle's parents), they supported Stan unconditionally, offering up food, money, and even a place to live, since everyone knew they lived together. Kenny was the only person who treated Stan like he wasn't a child, and held his grief at the height that it really was; Kyle was the love of his life, and there was no replacing that with another person, or food, or money. Kyle had been irreplaceable to Stan, and now he was gone, and Kenny seemed to be the only person who could understand how much this would affect him.

Before Kyle had passed, Stan and Kenny worked together at the bar a few blocks down from his and Kyle's place, but now that Stan was trapped in a state of despair, he barely worked. Sadly, this meant that Kenny had to pick up more shifts, and had only two options: leave Stan alone, or take him to the bar. Stan was always drinking now, claiming his spot int he corner of the bar every single night that Kenny worked, and drank mercilessly every time he was at home. As much as Kenny tried to hide booze from him, or serve him in anyway, Stan either found a way to ease his pain, or he cried until he got what he wanted. Kenny knew that Kyle would've hated to see Stan like this, but he wasn't exactly sure what to do about it.

Every Friday afternoon, rain, snow, or heat, Stan would visit Kyle's grave, always with a bottle of whiskey. It had been about six months since Kyle had passed, and Stan was getting worse, and worse, while Kenny watched, unsure of what to do about his best friend that he loved more than he could've ever known. Finally though, everything got worse when Stan got arrested for public intoxication.. three times. Kenny was there to bail him out every time, but it was beginning to take a toll on their friendship, and even their financial situation. Kenny had enough though, and had finally worked up the nerve to just talk to Stan about the things they were fucking up his life, and how Kyle would've definitely been pissed at him for acting this way.

It was after work on a Tuesday, two in the morning, when Kenny exploded. Stan had obviously had some sort of party, whiskey bottles, and beer cans all over the apartment, that Kenny always had to be the one to clean. Kenny understood that Stan was in pain from losing Kyle, but Jesus Christ, he didn't seem to care about anything except his own misery now. Pissed and fed up with his best friends actions, Kenny basically knocked down Stan's door, finding him staring drunkenly at the TV, not really registering that Kenny had even walked in. After a moment of Kenny staring at Stan staring at the TV, he cleared his throat, causing Stan to jump in surprise like Kenny was the scariest thing he'd ever seen.

"O-Oh shit! Hey, Ken!" Stan stuttered out, hiccuping a little as he struggled to stand up and make his way to Kenny, stumbling over his own feet, nearly knocking his TV over.

"Don't 'hey, Ken', me!" Kenny shouted, feeling a little bit like a dad in that moment. Sadly, though, Stan was kind of acting like a child. "You trashed the place again!"

Stan looked around, a little guilty, but mostly just drunk. "I-I missed Ky, man. H-Had a few people over and.. Woooo we had a party!" Kenny slapped his forehead fighting the urge to hit his friend as Stan went around Kenny, attempting to get to the kitchen. Kenny followed, suspicious that he might be getting more to drink, even though he was well passed his limit for tonight. Of course, Stan went into the fridge to grab some mixed drink he probably hadn't finished off earlier, but Kenny intervened, closing the fridge before Stan's eyes could even really register it. "Ken!" Stan slurred, pouting with one of his arms holding the counter for support. "Let me have it!"

Glaring now, his anger flaring up with no control, Kenny angrily pointed a finger at Stan. "Fine, I'll let you fucking have it!" Stan stayed silent as Kenny exploded at him, his wobbling stopping completely. "I'm sick of your goddamn wallowing! I know you miss Kyle like crazy, but he told me to look after you, and all you're doing is fucking drinking! How the hell am I supposed to take care of you?!"

Before Stan even had a chance to respond, his eyes widened, his hand going to his mouth immediately before he ran to the bathroom, emptying his guts in the toilet. Kenny silently apologized to Kyle, even though he knew he couldn't hear him, and went to help Stan in the bathroom. He didn't mean to lose his cool that bad, he _really_ didn't mean to, but all the pent up shit he was feeling, just exploded. Kenny decided he would definitely have to apologize later, but for now, he had to make sure Stan didn't choke to death. Grabbing at least four water bottles from the fridge, and some crackers to help soak up the alcohol in his stomach, Kenny walked to the bathroom, cringing at the sound of his friend throwing up his entire day.

The night was longer than both of the boys would've wanted, Stan finally being able to sleep at seven in the morning, Kenny sleeping in bed next to him, just in case something else happened. Kenny had never really told anyone, and even really acknowledged it, but he had liked Stan for a really long time - he was beginning to suspect that Kyle knew this though, and meant his words to Kenny in a couple of different ways. To Kenny though, even if he was able to have something with Stan, he felt like it would be tainted, like he would be screwing Kyle over in some way. Obviously, Kyle truly did see it differently, but Kenny could never shake that feeling.

With some many things on his mind, Kenny found himself unable to sleep at all. He had to work tonight, but, just this once, he decided to call into work. Kenny hated calling off, but he didn't to go see Kyle, and get some rest, and recharge all of the energy he had put into caring for his friend. Before Kenny could even leave out of the front door, Stan was behind him, silently waiting for one of them to say something. For whatever reason, there was an awkwardness in the air, both of the boys becoming uncomfortable with the lack of speaking between them. They both knew they needed to apologize, but who should go first? Or did it even matter who apologized first?

"Ken-"

"Stan-"

They cut each other off, a cliche awkward moment that they both swore only happened in the rom-coms. Kenny finally turned to Stan, a little smile playing on his face at the moment, finding the awkwardness between the best friends hilarious. Stan looked like shit, but the smile that tugged onto his face, brightened up every feature - a true smile that Kenny hadn't seen since Kyle died. It was there because of Kenny, and only him; Kenny was now just beginning to understand exactly what Kyle had meant. Thinking like Kyle, it was apparent that although Stan had loved Kyle forever, Kyle also saw that Stan loved Kenny. It was a weird, and somewhat unrealistic, realization, but Kenny that this was what Kyle wanted.

"Listen, Stan, I'm sorry about last night, I-" Kenny started, only to be cut off by Stan's hand.

"Don't.. Be sorry." Stan said carefully, blinking a couple times as if he was trying to remember something. "You said that.. Kyle wanted you to take care of me?"

Since Stan had been so drunk last night, Kenny was pretty surprised that he remembered, blushing a little. "Oh, uh, yeah. He-He told me that a long time ago, and kept telling me every year."

Only nodding, Stan stumbled forward until he was only about three inches from Kenny's face. Slowly, he looked into Kenny's eyes, the usual bright blue of Stan's eyes a dull grey, filled with tears. "I'm sorry I've been a douche, dude." Stan slammed himself into Kenny, wrapping his arms from his waist as he began crying into his chest, clinging harder to him than he ever had before - which was really saying something. Hesitantly, the taller boy wrapped his arms around Stan, scowling at himself for not saying the right thing. "What did he mean? W-What did Kyle mean when he asked you to take care of me?"

Kenny's face turned a light shade of pink as Stan pulled away, not oblivious to Kenny's sudden stiffness. He tried to dance around the question though, rubbing the back of his neck, while looking towards the ceiling. "I don't know. Hey, wanna go get chili?"

Stan rolled his eyes, fighting a smirk. "Dude, just tell me."

"Fine," Kenny breathed out deeply, looking anywhere, but Stan. "W-Well, he meant it in a couple of ways: I need to take care of you as a friend, and as a.. more than friend?" The last part came out as a question, which caused Kenny to start rambling more. "I-I guess he, uh, knew that I've liked you for awhile, and I guess, uh, maybe, thought I would be your next best boyfriend? Fuck, I-I don't know if that's actually what he wanted, b-but-"

Stan cut Kenny's rambling and stuttering off with a quick kiss on the lips, which actually surprised them both a little bit. Quickly recovering though, Stan smiled lightly, taking one of Kenny's hands gently. "Take care of me then, Ken."

Obviously, they weren't going to jump into anything, but Kenny knew what Stan needed. He just needed Kenny to be there for him through a shitty time, whether it was as friends, or something more - the situation wasn't clear, yet, their feelings sure were, and Kenny was more than okay with that. Kenny hoped, more than anything, that he could do right by Kyle, and make Stan want to live again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god this one shot was super hard to write im-


	5. Cardiac Arrest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been years since Stan and Kyle have seen each other.
> 
> Both living in Seattle now, they cross paths, resulting in a disaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realllly love this one, it's kinda short, but it's cute ;)

South Park was far from the mind of the ginger haired man as he cruised down the highway, casually glancing at the beautiful surroundings that he was blessed to live in. Kyle was content in his life, having an amazing job as an architect, and living in a large apartment by himself at the age of twenty-four. Although, overall, he was happy, he felt as if something was missing in his life lately - his mother had suggested that he may have needed a significant other, someone to be his best friend, and partner, but the thought of loving someone like that, was crazy to Kyle. There had only been one person he had ever loved like that, and as far as Kyle knew, that person was back in South Park, and never wanted to see him again. Him and that person had a major falling out, which lead to Kyle moving out to Seattle in the first place, to escape the depression caused by that fall out.

Since South Park had randomly popped into Kyle's mind, his mood had faltered a little, bad memories trying to cloud his overall happiness. Even as he entered his apartment to see his cat, meowing, and happy to see him, Kyle couldn't smile. He wasn't sure what made him even start thinking about South Park, but once again, because of that place, he was feeling down. Instead of staying in his apartment, where he definitely would've sulked in his sudden sadness, Kyle decided to go down the block to sports bar, and get some dinner, and maybe talk to some of his friends that hung around there. Although Kyle was good at making friends, he made a point never to get close to someone again. He couldn't get hurt again.

Tuesdays weren't a busy time for Mike's Tavern, much to Kyle's relief, so there weren't many people that greeted him. At the bar though, there was an unrecognizable person, slumped over, with his head on his arms, obviously not in the mood to talk. Not wanting to be next to the grumpy, and possible drunk person, Kyle sat a few seats down, holding one finger up to the bartender, Lidia, who nodded once, knowing exactly what he wanted. They were good friends, who had happened to go to college together, and although she dropped out to become the bar manager, they had stayed in contact, and hung out occasionally. At first, she had been into him, and even asked him out a few times, until Kyle finally felt comfortable enough with himself to reveal to her that he was gay - ever since then, she had been his biggest support in Washington.

Every once and awhile, Kenny and Butters would visit from Portland, and stay for a few days to catch up, but they were so busy managing the Tweek's Bros. Coffee Portland location, he only saw them once a year. Tweek and Craig were on the opposite side of the country, in Massachusetts, where they opened their own Coffee shop, and were making some good fucking money. Overall, Kyle was pretty alone, and secluded from everyone he actually liked, so, maybe, he wasn't as happy as he thought. Lidia could see Kyle's mood, from where she was at the sink behind the bar, cleaning the multiple beer and whiskey glasses from the customer a few seats down from Kyle; she was a little tempted to set them up, but she knew better than to push Kyle Broflovski into something he didn't want to do.

Kyle wasn't much of a drinker, but today, he decided to chug his beer in about two minutes, asking for another one as soon as the glass hit the bar counter. Now, about four, or five beers in, (Kyle had kind of lost count, more than pretty tipsy since he never had more than one beer) Lidia decided to cut him off, and try to get him to talk about what was bothering him. Since there weren't many customers, she could completely focus on him, leaning on the counter as Kyle looked at his phone, oblivious to the fact that he had been staring at an old picture of him and his best friend from years ago.

Lidia, not knowing about the bad history between Kyle and his old friend, pointing at the other boy in the photo, which grabbed his attention. "Who is that?"

It was such an innocent question, and though he knew that it wasn't her that she didn't know, Kyle was immediately annoyed, snatching his phone away quickly. "No one." She visibly flinched at his aggressiveness, in which he regretted, sighing and rubbing his temples as he went to explain himself. "I'm sorry, it's a sensitive topic. He was my best friend, we had a falling out right before I left home. Actually, he's the reason I left."

Interested now, she nodded in understanding, since he had kind of mentioned it before. "What happened? I mean, if you don't want to talk about it, I understand-"

"No," Kyle cut her off, laugh a little, loopy from his drinks. "I'll talk about it, why the hell not." She nodded patiently, but inside, she was extremely excited to know what happened, it seemed like such a juicy story. "We had just graduated high school, he had been dating this girl for four years, and I discovered that she was cheating on him, _the entire time_. When I tried to tell him, he exploded, saying that I making shit up because I wanted her - which was the farthest thing from the truth since I hated her - and he told me I had no purpose, and he didn't want me around." Kyle paused, laughing off the horrible memories of Stan, drunk, angry, and screaming at him that night, before continuing, ignoring Lidia's shocked look. "I, uh, left the next day, and I haven't seen him since. I never even got to say everything I wanted to say.. I still miss him, though."

Before Lidia could say anything, the person a few seats down from Kyle stirred in his seat, sitting up, and staring directly at Kyle. While he didn't seem to notice, Lidia did, and backed away from the counter a little, recognizing him from the picture on Kyle's phone. "Ky?" The voice was immediately familiar, and slurred, to Kyle, which froze him to the bone in his seat. Slowly, he looked to his left to see Stan's messy hair, tear filled eyes, and pale face. Six years later, and all they could do was stare at each other, the fact that they were in the same place, especially as Kyle told that story, was seemingly impossible, and neither knew how to react.

Blinking a few times, Kyle stood up, feelings of anger, and everything else he had suppressed resurfacing all at once. "What.. What are you doing here?"

After trying to get Kyle off his mind for so long, Stan couldn't help, but to smile at him, a wide, and genuine smile that hadn't existed in six years. "I've lived in Seattle for the last four years. What about you?"

Obviously, Stan knew the answer, but, he was hoping that asking questions would prolong the conversation between them. A little drunk, and not thinking as clearly as he usually would've, Kyle was angry, not wanting to listen to Stan's bullshit. "Fuck you, I live here." Stan only smiled more, not fazed by Kyle's attempt at aggression. "Stop fucking smiling at me, I don't like you."

Taking a few steps closer, Stan leaned against the counter, his arms crossing lazily in front of him as he towered over the small, angry man in front of him. "Yes, you do, and I liked you, too." Not seeming to understand what he was saying Kyle simply shook his head from side to side, his bottom lip jutting out in a pout. Knowing that he was going to have to explain his behavior from six years ago, Stan dropped his flirty behavior, sitting down on the chair behind him to get real with Kyle. "Look, I was an asshole all those years ago."

Stan admitting that he was wrong, caught Kyle's attention, and even relaxed him a little. "I know. Explain why, Stan."

He nodded in compliance, even though he had been planning on it anyways. "Somewhere, deep inside, I knew that Wendy was cheating on me, but I never cared because I always had you. When you told me she had been cheating on me, I really did think that you were the one who was fucking her - which, I realized soon after you left that didn't make sense. I-" Stan cut himself off, biting his thumb nail nervously, as his cheeks darkened, and he dropped his eyes to the floor. "I didn't mean what I said, about you having no purpose, I don't know why I said that. You, are my purpose for being a better version of myself, and you are my purpose for being alive." Kyle went to intervene, but Stan held up a finger, still not looking up from the ground. "I-I love you, a-and I always have. Just thinking about you, sends me into fucking cardiac arrest, and Jesus Christ, I'm so sorry-"

Saying everything that Kyle had wanted to hear him say, he pressed his lips to Stan's to shut his rambling up; their lips fell into sync with each other, while their hands gripped any part of each other that they could, prolonging the kiss that had been building up since they were thirteen. They had to pull apart for air though, both to their disappointment, the two boys grinning at each other like nothing had even happened. "You waited six years, Stan?"

Rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, Stan blushed again. "Well, I-I knew you were in Seattle somewhere, but I probably would've seemed like a stalker if I looked into where you lived, and where you went around the city. So, I guess I let fate bring us together?"

Stifling his laughter, Kyle pushed his shoulder teasingly, grabbing his hand after. "That's so lame, dude."

As they intertwined their fingers, Kyle ignored Lidia dancing in the corner, obviously thrilled over what just happened, feeling complete finally. Of course, what was missing in his life, was Stan - his best friend, and partner. Maybe fate had fucked around with their lives, but, also, maybe they were just always going to end up finding each other, and completing the emptiness in their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this was kind of lame, I'm in such a soft mood oooof


	6. Ticket to Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenny dies, for good this time, in front of everyone who loves him.
> 
> Now in heaven, he has the option of staying in heaven, or sticking around as a guardian angel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a long one ;)
> 
> This is a Kenny/Butters/Kyle/Stan, Kenny/Butters, Stan/Kyle, Craig/Tweek
> 
> Warnings: Death, Language, Mentions of hard drug use, Mentions of sex, Mentions of abuse, Mentions of God, & super sad stuff

Things had changed since Kenny, and his friends were kids. During high school, they all kind of separated themselves from Kenny for the most part, uncomfortable with his struggles, and addictions that had consumed him. They hadn't left him completely, however, he had spent most of his time alone, and suffering. Though they were all adults now, the majority of them stayed in South Park - especially Kenny, who could never afford to move out of the tiny apartment that he had. Only lately, had things started to look up a little more, his old friends had begun to come around more, apologizing for not being there when he needed them the most; Kenny appreciated the efforts, but they're words, and sudden reappearance, could not pull Kenny from his reckless life.

His problems had first started when a new kid - Tony - came to town. Since Tony also had a rough home life, Kenny and him grew close, and although his friends warned Kenny about things they knew about him, he started dating him. After only a few weeks of dating, Kenny found that Tony was popping pills regularly, which seemed to give him a bit of a temper. On account of Kenny being around those drugs, so easily accessible to him, he picked up the habit quickly, numbing the abuse that he was not receiving everyday from someone who was supposed to love him, and be different than his parents. It got even worse when Kenny turned seventeen, Tony introducing him to heroine. Around that time, was when Stan, Kyle, Butters, Tweek and Craig cut him out of their lives mostly, avoiding his calls, and only speaking to him in short sentences. As much as Kenny wanted to stop, he couldn't, he _had_ to escape the constant pain that he was in everyday, even if it killed him.

Somehow, Kenny actually ended up graduating, despite him always falling asleep in class, or missing school for days. Tony was angry, jealous that his "pathetic" boyfriend had graduated, and he hadn't. It was like someone had physically pushed Kenny off a cliff with this last fight, as he overdosed the next day, all of his friends that had dispersed, were by his side again, forcing him into rehab. Although, at the time, it made him extremely angry that they were pushing him towards something he didn't believe in, Kenny was grateful they did that now, as he was able to finally get away from Tony, and work towards recovery. Being codependent on Kenny though, Tony was found dead from an overdose three days after Kenny went into rehab; the boys hid this from Kenny for awhile, not wanting him relapse, or blame himself for something was inevitable.

Of course, when he did find out, Kenny was distraught, and found a way to relapse with pills. Even though a part of him understood why his friends kept that from him, Kenny pushed them away, and fought his addiction on his own. Only until the last six months, had Kenny been succeeding, having a full-time job at a restaurant, and having a strict routine to distract himself. One day, out of the blue, his friends had come into his work just before closing, and convinced him to sit with them, and just talk. Since that night, Stan, Kyle, and Butters were constantly around, staying the night, or giving him rides to his job like they had never missed a beat. Actually, it went beyond friendship now, as Kenny was technically in a relationship with all three of them - when they had all admitted shared feelings, Kenny had only laughed at them, not taking it seriously, however, after they all had sex, Kenny was pretty convinced.

He went from having no one, to having three boyfriends, and two best friends; still, though, Kenny's mind was constantly trailing back to euphoric feeling of heroine, and destruction. In view of his loved ones leaving him at his hardest time, Kenny felt like he couldn't open up to his boyfriends about his wanting feelings of relapse, he felt as if they would never understand what addictions truly means, and how it would forever have it's hooks in Kenny. Attending NA meetings every week, Kenny had learned that he _had_ to open up to the people in his life, even if it felt degrading, or embarrassing to him. The past month, Kenny had been working himself up to it, planning a night where Stan, Butters, and Kyle could all be at his place, and just listen to him.

The month went by faster than Kenny wanted, however, as he was walking home from work, realizing that they would all be there tonight - even Tweek and Craig. His nerves were eating at him, his veins stinging with the want to be filled with that evil, black tar again, his pale skin filling with goosebumps as he imagined a needle, to calm his anxieties. Kenny shook his head, wrapping his arms around himself as he tried to get rid of those sick thoughts, wanting to refocus on what he had to say tonight. There wasn't going to be an easy way out this time, Kenny knew that he _could not_ back down, like all those times before. It was now or never.

Even with his hand now on his doorknob, Kenny considered turning around, and running away. To keep himself from doing that though, especially since he was actually so damn close to doing it, Kenny imagined his boyfriends' smiles whenever Kenny was happy, and knew that they just wanted the best for him. It wasn't only for himself, it was also for them. Finally, he was able to turn the doorknob, the glow of warm lights hitting his eyes as he threw his keys casually on the table next to the door, signaling to the boys that he was home, as he did every night that they were there. Out of the kitchen, Butters, Stan and Kyle came running at him softly, fighting to be the one to get to him first. Kyle was the one who got to him first, throwing his arms around Kenny's neck, kissing him deeply almost right away, Kenny's hands landing on the small of his back as he moved his mouth against the ginger's lightly, savoring the sweetness that seemed to linger. Stan was impatient though, standing right behind Kyle with his arms crossed over his chest, his bottom lip jutting out in a pout; Kenny set Kyle aside nicely, before biting down on Stan's bottom lip teasingly, before gripping his jaw, and kissing him deeply, the bitter taste of alcohol apparent as he swiped his tongue along Stan's. Until the other two, Butters was waiting patiently, a light red blushed on his cheeks as he only admired Kenny, just thankful that he got to have him in any way. Secretly, Butters was easily Kenny's favorite boyfriend, his innocence, sincerity, and sweetness captivating Kenny's heart the hardest, which, is why, every time they kissed, Kenny was gentle with him, treating him like an angel, the best way he knew how. Before kissing Butters like he usually would, Kenny engulfed him in a hug, burying his face in his neck, taking in the scent that was just _Butters_ , his stomach tightening with happiness just from the simple inhale. He pulled away a little, staring into Butters' eyes for a moment, admiring every inch of his face, before kissed him lightly as possible at first, only deepening the kiss when Butters did, their lips melting together perfectly.

Luckily, for Kenny, jealously was not a problem in their relationship. Stan and Kyle had been dating for a long time before they started dating Kenny, and during his moments with Butters, they had been busy making out - they were obviously each other's favorite boyfriend, and Kenny was more than okay with that. Even if Butters was his favorite, he still loved all of them equally, and as much as he always had.

Nearly forgetting why they were all there, Kenny's smile stuttering as he remembered, realizing that Craig and Tweek were probably awkwardly waiting in the kitchen. He entered the kitchen, feeling a little ashamed that he had been so rude, his boyfriends following close behind him as Craig just smirked, rolling his eyes at their overly happy state. Tweek just ignored them, doing something on his phone as he muttered to himself, sucked into the world of social media, probably. Back in high school, Tweek had been the first to notice Kenny's addiction, knowing the signs, since he had struggled a bit himself with coffee, and possibly meth. Craig always felt guilty that he was the _last_ to notice, now always keeping a close eye on Kenny, which is how he knew that Kenny was about to open up about his recovery.

Motioning for all of them to go to the dining room, Kenny's chest pounded with anxiety as he sat at the head of the table, his hands becoming clammy as he tried to rehearse what he wanted to say. His thoughts were failing him though, going completely silent as all of the people that he loved stared at him, waiting for him to say something. Despite no thoughts being formed, Kenny was able to clear his throat, spitting out whatever words he could manage: "I-I need to talk about my recovery."

The only sound in the room, was the ticking of the clock, as they all exchanged a look. There were a few moment of silence, before one of them realizing that they should probably say something, Kyle being the one to clear his throat, and open up the conversation further. "Okay, Ken. Talk to us."

Swallowing the large lump in his throat, Kenny tried to hold back tears as he only looked at his hands, placed on the top of the table. He took a deep breath, mentally preparing for the worst once he finished everything he was going to say. "I-I know I seem better, but.." Butters' eyes started to fill with tears as Kenny stole a glance at him, which was a mistake, since it caused his voice to cut off in his throat, his stomach threatening to empty out on him. For them though, he pushed forward, only gripping his knees now. "I'm not better. Everyday I think about it, I-I can't stop the thoughts, I miss it. My addiction is never going to leave me alone, and I'm afraid I'll relapse again-"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Stan interrupted angrily, with his hands slamming on the table as soon as he finished his question. Since his dad was always doing drugs, and had been an alcoholic for years, Kenny knew he was going to have a hard time not understanding. For that reason, he just stayed silent, tears now slipping down his cheeks. "You _know_ how bad you got, and you _know_ how you almost fucking died, but you want to go back to it? Are you-"

Thankfully, Kyle cut Stan off, physically slapping a hand over his mouth so he would just shut up, and listen for once. Though, as Kenny looked closer, he could also see that Kyle was angry too, but in more of a calm manner. "Stan, shut the hell up." He looked only at Kenny now, sniffling hard as he also tried to fight back tears. "I don't understand either.. make us understand, Ken."

The ticking of the clock only got louder, making the panic in Kenny's chest rise faster, and faster, his heart now pounding uncontrollably . "I-I.. don't know how." Tweek and Craig only looked at each other, baffled by what was happening in front of them. Before they could say anything though, Kenny was standing up, his entire body shaking as he only looked down at the floor, pulling up his hood quickly. "I-I'm going for a walk."

Just to be able to breathing, Kenny ran down the hallway to the stairs, to leave the apartment, his chest lightening as soon as the crispy air hit him, relieving his pressure. At the moment though, he _did not_ want to see his boyfriends. The more he thought about it, the more angry _he_ got, frustrated, and annoyed that they were so quick to anger, not even five minutes into the conversation. Kyle and Butters just made him feel guilty, and shitty, like he wasn't fighting the urges every single day of his goddamned life. He was trying, did that not matter to them?

As Kenny was about to cross the street to just find somewhere to walk, he heard voice behind him, turning on his heel in the middle of the dark street to see Stan, Kyle and Butters running after him, Tweek and Craig following closely behind. Kyle reached out towards Kenny, approaching the sidewalk quickly. "Ken-"

"Leave me alone!" Kenny shouted, causing all of them to stop in their tracks, as Kenny's anger spilled out, his teeth grinding against each other harshly. "You're all making me feel like shit, so stay away from me! I'm trying my fucking hardest, and I'm still not good enough!"

His voice echoed through the town, everything becoming still - aside from the steady sound of traffic nearby - Stan, Kyle and Butters stood in shock, their mouths hung open silently as they all shed some tears, trying to figure out how to _fix_ this. They all loved him dearly, and that's why they acted so irrationally, but, was it better to explain themselves, or just give him space?

They didn't have long to think about it though, as the sound of truck horn could be heard, everything moving in slow motion for his boyfriends, as Kenny looked to his left, only to be blinded by headlights, and sound of screeching breaks. At first, Kenny didn't even know what had happened, until he was looking down at his own beaten body, being hugged to Butters' chest, as they all screamed for help - though, for Kenny, it was all silence. Since he had died so much in the past, he waited for everything to reset, but after several minutes of nothing happening, Kenny began to realize, that maybe this was it, maybe he was out of lives, and he had just wasted his last moments yelling at the people he loved.

Kenny fell to the ground next to his body, agony sweeping in his chest as he tried to reach out for Butters, Kyle and Stan, his hand only passing through them. There was still no sound for him, as Kenny began screaming mercilessly, tearing as his hair, a pulling feeling beginning on the ends on his hoodie. He could feel himself being pulled up, away from his people, their desperate calls for him to come back becoming clearer as rose up further, until their voices were deafening, yet so far away. Whatever was dragging him up, knocked him out for a few moments, a bright white light piercing his eyes as he opened them, something he hadn't seen in a long time. Kenny was, for some reason, in Heaven.

Instead of being grateful that it wasn't Hell, Kenny was pissed, pushing passed the enormous gates that only symbolized the entrance to Heaven. Usually, the archangel Michael would have greeted him, or, in the least, _someone_ would have, but, it was like God knew he was pissed, and didn't want to put anyone in his way that would just make it worse. In his earlier journeys to Heaven as a kid, Kenny knew that he had only met God once, however, he couldn't remember what he looked like - Kenny didn't care who he was though, or that he possibly created the universe, and humans, he was going to kick his fucking ass.

Something that looked almost like a star approached Kenny, stopping him in his tracks suddenly. The figure only floated for a moment, before suddenly turning into a human form, that Kenny didn't recognize. "Who.. are you"

The thing (as Kenny decided to call it, not being sure whether is was God, or not) smiled lightly at the young man in front of him, caressing Kenny's cheek like he was a young relative he hadn't seen in years. "You know who I am, Kenny McCormick." Still not wanting to believe this, Kenny stayed silent, not even blinking. "I'm God."

Kenny thought about it for only a second, remembering how angry he was only moments before God - or whatever - appeared in front of him. Stepping back from God, Kenny motioned to below him, bending his knees in frustration. "You kill me _millions_ of times, and finally, after I'm almost happy and recovered, you _now_ kill me?"

Not being affected by Kenny's attitude, God only shrugged, as if it wasn't a big deal. "At the moment, this isn't important. Right now, you need to decide whether to stay here in Heaven, or go back as a type of, Guardian Angel."

The answer seemed so obvious to Kenny, and he nearly looked at God like _he_ was stupid, but he paused, considering his options seriously. "I would like to go back for my boyfriends, and friend.. but what if me sticking around would make their grief worse?" God only stayed silent as Kenny weighed is options of what he wanted, versus what was good for the people that loved him. Even if it Kenny did want to stick around, it would only be for selfish reason, and he would also have to watch them suffer, move on, and fall in love with someone else. If Kenny stayed in Heaven, at least he would be able to find happiness and peace. "Okay, I want to stay here, however.." God only smiled, as if he already knew the request, which he probably really did, since he was supposed to be all knowing. "I want to say goodbye first."

Usually, if a soul requested this, God would've declined, though, since it was Kenny McCormick, who had been immortal most of his life - he made an exception, snapping his fingers, Kenny suddenly being dragged down at the speed of his sound, his non-existent body falling to the floor of the hospital room, where is lifeless body laid. Confused for a moment from how fast everything was happening, Kenny looked at his hands, the sterility of them reminding him that he was still dead. Feeling almost seldom sadness, Kenny looked at his loved ones in chairs around the room, huddled together, looking lost, and confused. First, Kenny approached his mom, dad, Kevin, and Karen - he was a little surprised to find his parents crying with Kevin in their arms, whispering regretful words that he could barley hear. Karen was sat on the floor, her head between her knees as she refused to look at her brother's body. Something in Kenny, that he could no longer identify, clenched in him as he knelt in front of her, reaching out to lift up her face, but not being able to touch her.

Even if they couldn't hear him, Kenny decided he was going to say his goodbyes, and tell them how much they meant to him. "Kar," Oddly enough, her head lifted, her eyes falling on Kenny's body, looking straight through his soul, being unable to see him. "I'm incredibly proud of you for being the strongest woman I have ever, and will ever, know. You're going to do amazing things, don't let this take you down a rough path like mine. You're forever my heart, Karen, and I love you, always." He spoke some soft words to his parents too, moving onto Craig and Tweek, who were both wide-awake with shock, both of them not blinking as they stared at the floor, guilty apparent in Craig's face. Speaking to both of them, by lying a ghostly hand on them, Kenny felt that aching feeling again, wanting to just being able to cry. "Tweek, Craig - don't blame yourselves, you tried your best, and you've always been amazing friends. And don't give up each other, or I'll come back and kick your assess."

As if they had heard him, Tweek and Craig laced their fingers together as they smile sadly at each other, being Tweek gathered Craig in his arms, hugging him to his chest. His three boyfriends were next to each other on a couch, all displaying something different. Kyle was muttered to himself, his body shaking as kept glancing at Kenny's body, and then the floor, like if, at any moment, Kenny was going to sit up. Kenny just wanted to hold the ginger in his arms, and run his fingers through his curly hair, as he always did when Kyle was suffering from an anxiety attack. All he could do now, was pet his head, with his nonexistent fingers. "Ky, you're okay. It's going to hurt for awhile, but you have to let it hurt, so you can move on, like I want you to know. You've got Stan, Ike, and Butters to look after, I only trust you with them." The air around Kyle calmed, his breathing coming out slower now as Kenny kind-of-not-really kissed his cheek. Before he was even in front of Stan, he knew that he was drunk. Since no one was paying attention, they didn't noticed the flask clenched tightly in his grip, his eyes droopy with anger, a harshly cutting through his face. Kenny was beginning to understand that Stan, was dealing with his own addictions, and took his disappointment out on Kenny. "Stanley, I'm not angry with you. I understand what you're through, but don't let it get bad, please. I know you don't want to be like your father - don't you give up on your dream of being an engineer for fucking alcohol, got it? I'll miss your dumbass." Although, he had tried to keep it as light as possible, saying goodbye to his boyfriends was hard to get through, especially since they couldn't hear him. Stan put his flask back in his pocket after a moment, though, suddenly wrapping an arm around Kyle's and burying his face into his shoulder as he started to sob, letting out his emotions, instead of wallowing in them.

Kneeling down in front of the person he loved most in the world, Kenny nearly got sick (in any way that he could), as he saw the never ending tears flowing down Butters' face, his sobs echoing the room like nails on a chalk board. All Kenny could do though, was wrap his arms around Butters body, whatever type of tears he was crying, now falling down his face, too, his soul pouring as much love into the small boy as possible. "Leo.." Kenny started as he was now whispering his boyfriend's ear. "I love you.. You're the only one I've said it to, and you were the only one I was going to marry. Please, don't hold onto me forever. I want you to be happy." As he always did when he was alive, Kenny caressed his lover's face, before connected his lips softly to Butter's, the last bits of his physical abilities to love, touching Butter's actual lips.

Kenny started to ascend from heaven, feeling more at peace than he had before. As he looked down one last time, he found Butters' eyes, looking up at the ceiling, seemingly right at Kenny. Even though it was low, Kenny heard some last words - Butter's broken whisper, flooding his ears like they were being directly whispered into: "I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made all the heaven stuff, and God stuff kind of based off what South Park has shown, since I'm Agnostic, and don't really know i believe in lol. Hope you enjoyed, even though it was a little different, compared to what I usually write :)


	7. Tell Me What You're Thinking Of

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle wants space after breaking up with Bebe, but Stan can't seem to survive without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I was writing this my keyboard/computer started acting really weird, and some keys just weren't working unless I slammed them repeatedly, so I'm sorry for any spelling errors <3

It was a normal Tuesday night for Stan Marsh, as he laid in bed like always, listening to music a little too loudly. Today, especially, there was something weighing heavily on his mind; two weeks had gone by since Kyle and Stan hung out, or even talked, and he couldn't stop thinking about why. The last they had spoken, Kyle informed Stan that he had broken up with his girlfriend, Bebe, and asked him, specifically, to give him space, not even giving a reason as to why he suddenly broke up with Bebe. Usually, being pretty understanding, Stan wouldn't have cared that Kyle had broken up with his girlfriend, again, however this time, it seemed like it was definite, and for whatever reason, Stan couldn't figure out why it bothered him so much. It wasn't that Stan _really_ liked them together - in fact, Stan didn't like Bebe at all, and didn't think Kyle was happy with her in the slightest. Overall, it was probably better for both of them that they were over, though, Stan still felt like something more was going on, and hated that his super best friend was just shutting him out.

Going two weeks without talking to Kyle, was like hell for Stan. Even though so little had happened the past two weeks, Stan felt like he had so much to tell Kyle, every single aspect of his life seemingly being important. To fill the void of his loneliness (especially since Kenny, and Cartman were busy), Stan listened to his music as loud as possible, wanting to drown out all thoughts of his best friend that seemed to be the only thing on his mind now. It wasn't exactly unusual for him to think about Kyle, Stan was always thinking about him, wondering what he was doing, and how he was feeling, like he had a crush on him, or something stupid like that - though, Stan knew it was just because he was being a good friend. Well, more like he hoped that was the case. Stan nearly snorted at that idea however, temporarily interrupting his serious thoughts, that had been formed from the sad, and longing, music he had picked to listen to. A couple years back, Stan had realized that he was bisexual, so, the possibility that he liked Kyle, wasn't completely ridiculous, but at the same time it _was_ ridiculous just because it was _Kyle_ , and there was nothing in this world that could make Stan like his best friend.

The more he thought about it, reluctantly, the more he realized that maybe - just maybe - it wasn't so ridiculous. In the past, Stan and Kyle had their differences, their friendship actually splitting up a few times, and Stan had gotten so depressed from his distance with Kyle, that he either drank, or ran away into the fucking wilderness. When it came to Kyle, Stan was fragile, almost like a glass doll, ready to spill it's inner secrets when tossed just a little. It really didn't help when Kenny and Cartman teased them at least twice a week, going as far as pushing them into each other at the wrong moments. Sure, it was normal for two best friends to be attached at the hip, but they made a point to exaggerate their friendship - in fact, Kenny and Cartman had teased them for long enough, that Kyle had randomly started to dated Bebe for the last five months, almost like he was trying to prove a point. He wouldn't have admitted to anyone, but Stan ad felt lost for those five months that Kyle and Bebe had dated, not being sure what to do at school, or even in his free time, since he had done everything with Kyle until then.

It wasn't like Kyle was his only best friend. Actually, since going into high school, Stan had grown close to Clyde, Token, and even Craig; so, it wasn't like he couldn't hang out with anyone else, it was just that no one else was _Kyle_. There was just something so goddamn special about him that Stan couldn't get out of his mind. Was it even normal to think so highly of a best friend? Stan thought highly of Kenny and the rest of his friends too, but those thoughts didn't even come close to his admiration for Kyle, and every little thing he did.

As he realized these as abnormal thoughts and feelings, Stan sat up in bed, ripping out his earbuds, the song he had been listening to only playing softly in the background. There was a pull in his chest as Kyle's face flashed through his mind, causing him to clenching at his chest over his heart, a frightened look plastered on his face when he noticed how fast his heartbeat was. Stan sat frozen in that spot, clenching his heart, for endless minutes, thinking back to every single moment throughout the years, panic starting to rise in his chest as he realized, his feelings were not on a friendship level. "What the fuck?" He muttered breathlessly to himself, glancing at the picture of them on his nightstand, his heart aching under his fingers tips even more, tears threatening to spring to the corner of his eyes. "Fuck.."

What Stan hated the most about realizing that he loved his best friend, was knowing that Kyle was straight. On top of that, there was a part of Stan that strongly felt as if Kyle would never return his feelings, even if he was bisexual, or gay. The room started spinning a little as he kept thinking, and thinking of Kyle's stupid smile, which made Stan lay on his back again, staring up at the ceiling in shock. Of course, there was always a small part of him that questioned the possibility, but with him dating Wendy, and even Clyde, for awhile, those thoughts were pushed aside, until now, when they boiled over, sending Stan into a full blown panic attack. How was he even supposed to deal with this? The one person he felt like he could talk to about his feelings, was the person he was _having_ feelings for. Without Kyle, Stan was a fucking mess.

Repeating his previous thoughts, Stan sat up in bed, his breathing finally slowing enough for the room to stop spinning like he was on a carousel. Even if Stan couldn't tell Kyle about his feelings, he could _at least_ tell him some bullshit, elaborate cover story. If he could just get advice from Kyle, Stan felt like there might be a way for him to get over the stupid crush he was obviously holding onto. Although, still scared, Stan shot out of bed, tugging on the random jeans thrown on his floor, before grabbing his favorite, brown jacket, his arms shaking as he realized he was actually going to go to Kyle's _right now_ and get advice about his crush on him. Maybe he was over complicating the situation, but Stan knew there was never going to be a situation in which he would admit his feelings for Kyle.

Being acutely aware of Randy downstairs, probably drunk as hell, Stan knew that it was smarter to just jump out his window. In fact, Stan felt himself agreeing with his dad a little, taking out his whiskey from his nightstand, gulping down as much as he possibly could for "liquid courage". Kyle would've hated seeing that, and Stan knew he was going to be pissed when he smelt the alcohol on him, but as he stuck his right leg out of his window, Stan knew that it was too late to turn back, and he would just have to deal with the consequences later. Looking down at the snowy ground, Stan hesitated for a moment, unsure of whether the amount of snow would cushion his fall, or just make it worse. Not wanting to deal with his dad being a douchebag, which was inevitable, Stan sat on the small ledge, closing his window tightly, before jumping down, crashing hard into the snow, the sound, thankfully, being muffled from how deep the pile was. At first, he wasn't aware of any pain, thinking that he had successfully jumped out a window for Kyle, but as he stood up, the taste of blood filled his mouth, the dark liquid dripping down from his nose, that he had unknowingly bashed on some unknown ice.

Wiping as much blood from his nose as possible, Stan cringed a little before continuing on carefully, not wanting to alert his close neighbors to some kid walking around. Usually, if there was someone walking around it was Kenny and Butters, or Craig and Tweek, but Stan knew, that if anyone saw _him_ walking, they'd tell Randy, like they owed him some goddamn loyalty. Rolling his eyes at these facts, Stan continued lightly jogging down the road, pulling his hat farther down his head, as he didn't expect it to be so fucking cold tonight - sure, it was winter in Colorado, but this was the coldest night that had this year, so far.

Thankful that Kyle didn't live that far, Stan felt the nervous knot in his stomach again, his anxiety wanting him to just turn back, and act like this entire night hadn't happened; in a way, however, Stan knew that this was necessary, whether it helped him get over his crush on Kyle or not, Stan knew that _something_ was going to change tonight. Even though his anxiety grew even more as Kyle's house came into view, Stan continued, scowling a little to himself when he noticed every light off in the house, which was going to make it hard to see Kyle. He knew that Gerald and Sheila wouldn't have been mad if Stan came over, they just would've been mad if they were woken up, and Stan wanted to do everything to avoid that.

Stan was close to giving up, until he approached Kyle's side of the house, smirking to himself a little when he saw that Kyle's lamp, and TV were on. Since there was school tomorrow, he was a little surprised to see Kyle still up, but then again, there were a lot of things about Kyle that were surprising him lately. Everyone in South Park knew each other, and if he were to knock on the door, his parents would answering thinking there was an emergency, which he wanted to avoid, since they would just send him home. Thinking quickly, since he was starting to freeze a little, Stan pulled out his phone speed-dialing Kyle, hoping that he would actually answer. There was a bit of doubt, that told Stan that Kyle would purposely ignore him, since he asked for space, and this wasn't giving him space.

The ringing ended abruptly, Stan's eyes going wide as Kyle's voice whispered into the phone: "S-Stan?"

Even if he was still a little panicked, the small amount of alcohol he drank caused him to speak without really thinking first. "I'm outside. Will you let me in? We need to talk."

There was only silence for a few seconds as Stan glanced up at Kyle's room, waiting for a response. Suddenly, Kyle's face was visible in the window as he peered down at Stan, looking a little annoyed for a moment, before his face flashed with worry as he noticed Stan's bloody nose. He didn't even have to talk to Kyle to know that one of the main reasons he was letting him, was because he was hurt, and Kyle had always been the person to fix every injury up. Stan walked to the front door, standing on the small porch with his hands in his pockets, beginning to feel guilty that he had come over here for selfish reasons - he had come here for his own sake, and didn't even consider wondering how Kyle was doing since his break-up. Before Stan could disappear and go home to reevaluate his life, Kyle's front door swung open, a hand grabbing his wrist, pulling him into the house with an unusual strength that he never would've expected from Kyle. When it came to worrying about his friends though, Kyle went into a mode that could only be described as determined.

As he stepped foot in the house, about to take off his shoes as always, Kyle dragged Stan upstairs, probably nervous that his parents would wake up. Kyle pulled him straight to the bathroom, blinding both of them a little as he flipped on the lights, motioning for his friend to sit on the counter so he could care for his bloody nose. Stan couldn't ignore the bags under his best friend's eyes, and the way he avoided even looking directly at him, as if they were suddenly frenemies, and nothing more. While Kyle was wetting a wash cloth, Stan took the time to admire everything about him, taking in as much as he could about his physical appearance, and his habits, just in case he ruined their friendship somehow. Catching him staring as he glanced at Stan on the counter, Kyle dropped his eyes back to his hands, scowling at the sink.

"Why do you keep staring at me?" Kyle asked a little harshly as he rung out the rag in the sink.

His tone didn't really faze Stan though, mainly because he was practically mesmerized by Kyle still. Snapping out of it a little, Stan blinked, before smiling sadly at his friend. "I missed you."

Kyle froze in his spot, the rag tightly in his hands, as what Stan _swore_ was a red tint, coated his slightly freckled cheeks. As soon as he noticed though, Kyle was standing in front of him again, pressing the rag again his nose with an uncomfortable force. He still didn't say anything as Stan continued staring, just taking the "help" that he was receiving. Instead of answering Stan's previous statement, Kyle decided to focus on why Stan had a bloody nose in the first place, since he was a little worried about his friend's safety. "Why do you have a bloody nose?"

Though he knew how embarrassing this was going to sound, Stan swallowed his pride, clearing his throat before he decided to tell the truth. "I, um," He paused, glancing at Kyle once more, who still wasn't looking directly at him, before continuing. "I jumped out of my window to see you, and landed face-first."

Of course, the first thing Kyle did was crack a smile, trying not to laugh as he pictured Stan jumping out of his window and just landing on his face. "Dude-" He couldn't hold it back though, beginning to laugh as quietly as he could manage, ignoring the glare he was receiving as the image replayed over and over again in his head. As he started to settled down, he repeated the rest of Stan's sentence in his head, not understanding why Stan jumped out of a window for him. "W-Why did you need to see me so badly, Stan?"

Freezing up a little, Stan let out a shaky breath, rubbing the back of his neck when he felt like he could move again. On the way over, he had come up with a huge ass lie to cover himself, but now that he felt selfish, Stan knew it was better to just ignore everything he had been thinking about at home, for now. "I-I just wanted to see how you were doing. I know you said you needed space, but I hated the thought of you being miserable."

Although he had come over for selfish reasons, what Stan had said, was true. The simple thought of Kyle possibly being miserable, made his blood boil with an unknown feeling that he really couldn't place. Kyle seemed surprised by his words though, furrowing his eyebrows, mainly to himself, as he continued pressing the moist cloth again his best friend's nose. "Honestly Stan," As he paused for a long moment, both of the boys held their breath, but for different reasons. "I'm not upset about my break-up with Bebe.."

This confused Stan more than anything, even more than his feelings for Kyle, since his friend had seemed to be struggling with something. If it wasn't about Bebe, Stan figured that Kyle would've told him what was going on, and for him to keep silent from him, and everyone else for so long, was just straight-up confusing. "Wait, then why did you want-"

"I have something else going on, Stanley." Although his tone of voice was serious, the way Kyle said his full name, made Stan's stomach tingle, his cheeks beginning to heat up, despite his attempts to calm himself down. Kyle didn't notice however, much to Stan's relief, only scowling to himself. "I just wanted space to think about it for awhile."

Since he was so used to sharing everything with Kyle, Stan didn't hesitate to question what was actually going on: "What's wrong?"

Stopping in front of Stan for a moment, finally making eye contact with him, Kyle smiled sadly. "I can't talk about it yet."

Before Kyle could turn away to put the cloth in the hamper behind him, Stan grabbed his wrist, holding him in front of him. "Ky, I-I'm worried. Why can't you tell me?"

This time, Stan couldn't ignore the intense red tint that covered Kyle's cheeks as his eyes dropped to the floor once again, he wrist hanging limply in Stan's grasp. He could tell that Kyle was struggling to not lash out at Stan, his top teeth biting harshly into his bottom lip, to physically restrain himself from being a loud-mouth asshole. Once he took a second to get a hold of himself, Kyle breathed out deeply, pulling away from Stan gently. "I just can't.. okay?"

Despite his curiosity still being peaked, Stan nodded understandingly, hopping down from the counter. "Okay," He sighed, though he still wanted to ask a billion questions. "Can I stay the night? Randy is-"

"Yeah, dude, of course." Kyle interrupted, before Stan could even finish, knowing that he hated when his dad drank. Stan drank a bit himself, but the way Randy did it, was abusive, and reckless; it didn't help that he often said terrible, idiotic things to Stan when he was drunk, making him hate himself. So, even thought he was dealing with some shit, Kyle would never want Stan to be subject to that toxic behavior. "I'm sorry I shut you out, but you can always stay the night when you need to."

His feelings hit harder than they ever had before, crashing into him like an ocean wave, dragging him under, deeper into his feelings for Kyle. Stan, because of this, stood silently for a few moments, fighting the urge to tell Kyle that he fucking loved him, before snapping out of his thoughts, smiling softly. "Thanks, Ky."

What Stan didn't expect though, was for Kyle to suddenly turned around as they went to exit the bathroom, getting close enough to where his breath was hitting Kyle's face. A sudden scowl took over Kyle's face as he smelled the alcohol, a flash of anger sparking his eyes as if Cartman had just insulted his mother. "Stan, have you been drinking?"

If Stan was being honest with himself, he was surprised Kyle hadn't noticed earlier, and he was hoping that he wouldn't noticed at all. Instead of trying to deny it however, Stan nodded, planning of being mostly truthful, once again. "Y-Yeah, I just a few sips to have enough courage to jump out my damn window."

As it came out, the words sounded like an excuse to him, but as Kyle looked him up and down, he determined that Stan was pretty sober, and was telling the truth. Stan was known to get drunk more than the usual teenager, at the wrong times. Every other teenager in their high school drank at parties, while Stan drank alone in his room, while watching TV, or playing video games. It may have been kind of normal for adults to do, but it always worried Kyle, and he was happy to know that his friend was sober right now. Instead of saying anything though, Kyle only nodded, before walking off to his room, which was just a few feet from the bathroom, pushing open his door to reveal a messy room. Well, it wasn't actually messy, but for him, it was messy, since he usually had a spotless room. Seemingly a little embarrassed from his environment, Kyle shut his door quietly, kicking some of his dirty clothes around, trying to make it look nicer for Stan - even though he knew his best friend didn't give a shit.

Kind of just wanting to go to sleep, and forgot his intense feelings for awhile, Stan threw himself onto Kyle's queen size mattress, kicking his shoes off onto the floor, laying face-down in Kyle's pillows. The strong scent of Kyle made Stan turn onto his back though, not wanting to torture himself, or be a creep in any way. Kyle didn't seem to notice his stiffness as he laid next to him in the exact same position, staring up at the ceiling with his arms crossed behind his head. Stan just wanted to cuddle against him in that moment, and help whatever whatever was bothering him, although, he felt as if that would weird him out, thus ruining their friendship. Kyle noticed Stan just scowling to himself, as if he was having an argument with himself, which he was, but Kyle only saw his exterior, starting to feel guilty for shutting his best friend out.

"Ky," Stan whispered suddenly, much to both of their surprise, Kyle jumping even. "I need to tell you something."

Letting out a breath of relief, Kyle relaxed a little, feeling comfortable with the topic. "What's up?"

There was a pause for what seemed like forever, but was only a few minutes. It wasn't like Stan to take this long on a sentence, however, since he had decided to say the previous sentence, he was now working up the nerve to admit his feelings. He had no intention in actually telling Kyle that he liked him, but, somehow, those previous words came out impulsively, almost as if he _actually_ wanted to say them - though he definitely didn't. Now, it was too late to take it back, for it was now, or never. "I.. Fuck-"

"Hey," Kyle could tell Stan was struggling with what he was trying to say, and hated how upset he looked. More than anything, Kyle hated seeing Stan so upset. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

Shaking his head, Stan looked over at Kyle, his conflicted eyes locking with Kyle's. "I need to. I can't-" In a way, Stan agreed with Kyle's words. He didn't have to _tell_ him he liked him, he could _show_ him his feelings instead, since there was something that indicated it would be okay. For whatever reason, Stan felt like he was perfectly okay turning on his side, and leaning over Kyle, who was frozen with fear in his spot on the bed. Shakily raising his right hand, Stan caressed the side of Kyle's face, gazing deeply into his green eyes, despite his anxiety begging him to just jump out of another window. Instead of listening to himself for once, Stan softly pressed his lips to Kyle's pulling back after only a few seconds of feeling his soft lips on his own, afraid that he just forced himself of his friend.

While Stan just stared at his friend in fear, Kyle subconsciously traced his lips with his fingers, feeling as if he was just dreaming. For the past few weeks, Kyle had been trying to make sense of his odd feelings for Stan, and that kiss, that wonderful kiss, had made Kyle _sure_ that he loved his best friend. Realizing that Stan also felt the same, Kyle desperately grabbed at the back of his neck, connecting their lips once again, their lips moving together slowly, and softly, not wanting to miss a moment of their love. While it was scary, and uncertain, they had never felt anything so _right_ in their lives, embracing each other further as their realized exactly how natural this was for them.

Pulling back, a little out of breath from the kiss and his realization, Kyle attempted to bite back a smile, as Stan hovered over him, dazed. "Did you jump out of a window just to kiss me?"

Not thinking about it for even a second as he stared at the boy he loved, Stan smirked. "Basically, yeah."

They didn't kiss again, despite both of them wanting to, but, instead, just stared at each other, basking in each other's feelings for the first time. In a way, that act was much more expressive than their kiss could've ever been, as they were seeing each other in a new way. Of course, they would kiss again later, and as much as they wanted to express their love, however, in that moment, Stan and Kyle only memorized every single detail of the other's face, finding new things to love, that they didn't even know existed. Despite Stan's face smelling like blood, Kyle was sure now, that this was the moment they would tell their future children - no matter how stupid they had been, everything they put themselves through, was worth it, just to start from where they should have in the beginning.


End file.
